Before we start, I am under the assumption this will not be read by many. The title of my blog would probably put me off reading a blog, so not expecting anything different! ‘Baby Mama Drama,’ or ‘Baby Mama’ are both terms I Never use in real life, and I speak with the utmost respect about the situation at all times to everyone I know. This is my place to be free and actually say what’s on my mind for once. All names have been changed. Throughout this blog there will be mentions of all types of abuse as well as racial issues and mental health. Just a disclaimer.
I started talking to someone on an undisclosed dating site…actually it was POF…can’t give too much away from that I suppose. We spoke for a couple of weeks or it could’ve been a couple of months; ADHD= zero concept of time! We decided to meet one fateful night (That sounded mad dramatic and I may use it again), and we went for a drive. That was it. Between a few days and a month later (shh) she invited me to her house to watch Batman. I have since been told that this was probably an invite to hook up, but I have zero clues about social cues and assumed Batman meant Batman. IT TURNS OUT SHE HAD OTHER INTENTIONS.
In case you didn’t guess, we had sex. Main points of interest are as follows:
- Clock fell on my head causing a cut on my forehead
- The condom broke
She agreed to get the morning after pill (lets call her Amy for the sake of this blog), but she didn’t seem in too much of a rush! I feel like this is so obvious right now, but a couple of weeks later I get a text message.
“We need to meet up”
“Why do you think.” (Notice the full stop instead of a question mark? IT ANNOYS THE HELL OUT OF ME AND SHE DOES IT EVERY TIME.)
So I call…
“Just hitting the gym. Talk later.”
It was a really grey rainy morning, there’s no way this could’ve happened on a birds chirping, sun shining kinda day huh? I literally laid in bed for anywhere between 5 minutes and 2 hours feeling numb as hell. I’d literally met her twice and now she’s pregnant. Started googling about do i have to marry her etc?
So a bit of time passes and I say I’m not ready for a child (I was due to be moving to Australia in the coming months!) and essentially say I think we should go for an abortion. She agrees, but we get to the abortion clinic and she changes her mind. I generally hate the idea of abortion anyway so I would never have pressured her, but I felt like my whole world had ended. This was also a grey rainy day, just saying. It was also October time so that could’ve swayed the weather slightly.
Next significant bit of info…I have been told I’m autistic too. No one would ever know by talking to me etc, but when you get to know my life you can see it. Everything and everyone is in boxes in my head (I will explain more about this later) basically boxes can’t touch or overlap or my world will end. Now Amy is saying if i don’t tell my family she will write a letter. I fully understand this now but I literally got to the point of suicidal trying to deal with this. Finally at 7 months into the pregnancy I had been listening to a book called ‘Sun Stand Still’ by Steven Furtick about making things happen. I was in the gym and between sets I get my phone out and write,
“Mum I was with someone before and now she’s pregnant. Sorry.”
I finished my set, took my phone out again, counted to 3 and pressed send. Then proceeded to go and hyperventilate in the toilets. She replied…
“OK love don’t worry talk to you later xxx”
The relief was crazy. I spoke to her on the phone later and she was a bit shocked that it had been 7 months but just felt bad that I had dealt with it alone for so long. MUM GOALS RIGHT THERE.
About 6 months in, I met a woman, let’s call her Amy 2…joking…how about Hannah?That works! Hannah was so supportive and helped me a lot. We went on amazing dates together, prayed together, and it was amazing. (More about Hannah later but just building the full story)
About 9 months into the pregnancy, my son was born. We will just call him Warrior. I was dreading having a child up until the moment I met him and loved him unconditionally from that moment and have never looked back.
So that is where this journey begins. I will be 100% open and honest about the part I’ve played in everything, I’m far from perfect, but i can say I’m a boss at being a Dad.
The story will continue in the next couple of days!